Today, we’re going to get away from the normal makeup and beauty topics. My Timehop app reminded me of a Facebook post from 4 years ago and it got me thinking…
“Don’t make decisions when you’re angry… Don’t make promises when you’re happy.”
It is so easy to say things out of anger that we can never take back, and it seems so simple to promise someone forever when you’re blissfully happy. But, can you keep that promise when all the cards are on the table?
Yesterday I was watching Jaime Primak Sullivan’s #cawfeetawk where she was talking about falling in love with her husband. This struck so many nerves with me. It was incredibly insightful. She said, before you choose to spend your life with someone to see their limits. Find out who they are when they are stressed, because people change in those elements. Find out what their addictions are, be it alcohol, football, whatever the case may be; because you will never come before those things unless they make that decision. No matter how incredible you are, or how much they care about you… love does not change their vices. They are the only one who can change the priority levels in their life.
But, you also have to see the person for who THEY are and not for what YOU want them to be. I was in a relationship for far to long because I held on to the idea of what we could be, or what I wanted us to me. Then so much time passed that it got to a point that I had invested so much time into this person, and this relationship that I didn’t want to walk away feeling like a failure. Now looking back the only person that I failed was myself. I allowed myself to be treated as less than I deserved, and I allowed it to damage how I felt about relationships for several years following. This relationship took a year to end, because we were both to stubborn to be the one to walk away and admit that though we had spent 6 years in each other lives that we were not right for each other.
I’m going to take a que from a sweet friend and name my last relationship California…
We will just do the readers digest of the relationship, and talk about the break-up.. California and I were together for a year, we talked about marriage, he had children that I adored… and I could picture our lives together. We had some hick-ups as all couples do especially when there is another parent involved but we worked through them; and we worked great as a team. About half way into our relationship I became very sick, California was so supportive through the whole thing. Insert red flag… I had major surgery and spent 4 days in the hospital, he came to see me once. I know some of you may be thinking that he had his kids, etc… he did not. So, fast forward a few weeks and he was back to being amazing, taking care of me through an 8 week recovery process. I bounced back and was feeling myself again. Well, fast forward to the month that we broke up and I hadn’t been feeling great. I get migraines from time to time and I had been dealing with those off and on. I wasn’t crawled in the bed 24/7, I was working full time, etc. The night that we broke up, one of his main reasons for ending it was that he didn’t have “time” for my medical “issues”… I was in shock, but I was seeing his true colors. I didn’t want that for my future, so after I grieved for the night… I was grateful that I found all that out before I married him.
Now, all of this is just to further explain that a person can be amazing when things are good, and they can even be amazing when the dust is settling… but who are they when everything is chaos? Are they the person sitting with you in the hospital waiting room when your loved one is sick? Or they the person that just asks if they are ok. Understand them, their strengths, weaknesses. Do you balance each other?
Tell me your story! Until next time…
xoxo – H